You're Still Leaving

You're Still Leaving

I wasn’t ready as you began to leave, Mum,

When those awful bony fingers

Began plucking out your abilities,

Your memories, and your character

Taking them one by one by one.

As if to taunt me, they’d replace one

For a minute, or two, or ten…

But then the pickers would pluck them back

Again, without a care; and

Take them one by one by one.

I prayed I could cope with it daily;

Accepting the snatchers would snatch

Again, reaching into your sacred bank

Of treasured moments, and

Take them, one by one by one.

I read and searched like Dad had shown me.

Learning everything I could, so I might be

Prepared, Mum.  Prepared for what? For my

Inability to stop the thief stealing you?

As it took you one by one by one.

The crazy thing is you’re still leaving, Mum.

The grifter telling its sneaky story, selling its ugly lie

That you’re still here but the thief waits by your side to

Plunder, pillage, rob.  You regress as they grow bold,

Taking you, one by one by one.

Where do you go? To Heaven, I bet, Mum

Like a slow version of Star Trek’s

Beaming station – and at the other end, Dad

And Grampie and Mizzy are collecting them

As they arrive, one by one by one

I’m accepting and without expectation today,

After 11 months apart, your face though older’ll

Be the same – the you I knew, will not.

Alzheimer’s, that thief, has done its job

Taking you one by one by one.

I’ll hold your hands, I’ll rub your feet,

And hug you make you laugh – then hold

Your face in both my hands, til eyes

Locked tight, I reach the well of untouchable

Love, Mum, and refill it, one by one by one.

For in the end it’s all that’s left, all that

Matters and all that mattered.  Love. 

You can’t make it, you can’t fake it and

The swindler Alzheimer’s cannot shake it.

I’ll love you for us both, Mum. One by one by one.

By Cath Rathbone